condensed version of a book

I�find it hard to believe that I�was bored/desperate enough to try DXM�again the other night. Nevertheless, the experience was worth the horrible taste of the stuff because it gave me a very mild feeling of psychedelia that I�hadnapos;t felt in a long time, not even on weed.

That night was pretty trippy, in retrospect -- a lot trippier than most of my past experiences. There was something to bizarre and magical about how I�perceived everything during the time. For some reason, I�felt something powerful in my heart and mind. At the back of my head and at the tip of my tongue, I�could find slight hints of deeper meaning and purpose in almost everything I�encountered, even though I�couldnapos;t understand most of it.

Uh, I�canapos;t remember what I�ate during Floresapos; stay here. But I�probably lost a bit of weight because of the substance and cigarettes.

I want weed.


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Fuck you Virginia and your fucking stupid everything. Fuck your stupid country roads, fuck your poorly planned interstate highway system, fuck your inability to fucking count, fuck you and your inability to have consistent road signs. Also while Iapos;m at it fuck you and your low gas prices and bad produce FUCK YOU Hire someone who actually knows something about planning and zoning. Also signs yes road signs people like them people NEED them. Fuck you Virginia for never posting a fucking cross street. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU AND STOP HAVING THE PEOPLE I LOVE LIVE IN YOUR FUCKING STATE
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Yesterday, we went to the mall. Patti met me there. The instructors said
they would help us find places, but there was no formal work. As a result,
Patti helped me grab a coffee from Starbucks (she had had one already,) and
then we went to Hallmark to find a little something for the puppy raiser.
We found a picture frame, which can hold the picture of which the raiser
will get a copy, and a card. We then went and grabbed pretzel dogs, and
then I needed to head back to campus. I got one last shot at escalator
work, as there was one which I needed to take to get to the card store.

The afternoon was spent going over the large packet of information each
guide dog is sent home with, and going over what will happen during
graduation.

The night was spent doing laundry. I washed my clothes in
about a half hour, but it took nearly two hours to dry, and the clothes were
still damp, so I had to hang them all and let them air dry. I am off to
finish packing, and then to groom the dog. I am already nervous: afraid I
will forget to thank someone when I need to give my than you speech during
graduation. With luck, I will be mostly packed, and Patti and I can go
shopping at the gift store, and head out soon after graduation.

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Electoral-vote.com observed today that Republican Presidential nominee John McCain and Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin have been traveling to states like Maine, Minnesota, and New Hampshire - states that the Republican ticket are very unlikely to win at this point -and not traveling to Nevada and North Carolina - states that are within reach for the Republicans, but in danger of going to Obama.

It seems to this observer that two things are going on with the McCain-Palin campaign.

First, the Republican ticket has all but conceded the Presidency to Barack Obama. The ticket is treading water - standing by in the hope that Obama makes a fatal stumble at this late stage.

Second, having essentially conceded the White House to Obama and Biden, the GOP wants to limit as much as possible Obama's ability to govern effectively. They are trying to do this by limiting Obama's margin in the popular vote. This would explain the continued negative attacks - wherever they are made. McCain and Palin may also focused on limiting the damage to Republicans in down-ticket races. Maine, Minnesota, and New Hampshire all have vigorously contested U.S. Senate contests for seats currently held by Republicans. In Minnesota and New Hampshire, particularly, the Democrats have good chances of winning the Senate seats. McCain and Palin, then would seem to be acting partly on behalf of Senators like Norm Coleman and John Sununu as they try to stem what appears to be a Democratic tide.

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*yawns*�I tried to go to bed early last night. Got offline around eleven, but didnapos;t wind up crawling into bed until 45 minutes later. Still, I fell asleep almost instantly. Had a weird dream, but it was good. I think. O.0 Well, itapos;s stemming from another dream I had a long time ago. I think. XP�I donapos;t REMEMBER any of them, but I began to remember bits and pieces of the other dream as I had this one. Now, what does THAT say about the human brain? xP Crazy stuff. And now, I canapos;t remember what was bad about the dream...but I can recall one scene, and a little of the feeling. It was really interesting. Most of the dream was suspenseful, I suppose. I donapos;t know. XP�It was interesting. I wish I could remember more of it.

Today, weapos;re supposedly getting hypnotized in Psychology. He canapos;t do full hypnosis, since that would probably get him sued, but heapos;s going to try and get the whole class in an odd state. Iapos;m...actually looking forward to it. Nervous, but looking forward to it. And then Iapos;ve got a Calculus quiz that Iapos;m going to fail. *shrugs*�Iapos;ve failed most of them lately. I donapos;t have a clue what weapos;re doing in Calculus. And Iapos;ve pretty much given up on trying to keep up with it all.

Bah. Iapos;ve got to get ready for school now. Iapos;m just glad that itapos;s Friday. A weekend is exactly what I need.
�

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I have mentioned more than a few times to pretty much everyone I know that I suffer from chronic insomnia. Lately I have been managing to sleep, but only after several hours of tossing and turning.

So when I say "yeah, I got up at 10:00 (or 11:00, or noon) the optimum response is not "gee, must be nice." Because if I got up at 10:00 (or 11:00, or noon) chances are pretty good that I actually got to sleep around 3:00 (or 4:00, or 5:00, or 6:00, or 7:00...)

And chances are that I have a headache from lack of sleep, and am cranky because Iapos;d prefer to have a normal schedule and get more things done during the daylight hours and not feel like crap.

Do not poke the crabby badger.

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douvette

today was better then I wouldvapos;e guessed.
Tori helped me realize that I donapos;t need her to make me happy.
All I need is what I got.:]

But i still feel like theres this missing part of me.
and�like its getting bigger everyday.
maybe its all in my head.
maybe i just need to chill.
I just dont understand, how the fate of one persons life.
lays in someones elses hands.
Im doing picking people one by one out of my life.
Ill let fate decide that. And whatever happens.
well it happens ill be fine.
and i also realized that me not being happy for so long.
well that was me, choosing not to be happy.
And im done with all of that.
today is the day that i need to change.
im done walking around the halls feeling sorry for myself.
what happens happens im happy with who i am.
im just not happy with choices i have made.
So its all behind me.
im ready to start over with everyone.
even alyssa.im sorry for everything ive done to everyone
im not the same person anymore.
im ready to change.
everyone has to mature sooner or later.
I�guess i just did later.
and i miss everything i used to have.
like last year and what not.
Im most sorry to like tori and alysssa.
But whatever happens.
wheter me and alyssa become friends.
well im putting it in gods hands.
iloveyou<3

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Car is busted so I canapos;t drive anywhere. Sister stopped working for months now so everything is relying on my paychecks. I might as well start looking for a second job after my grandparents leave in December. Any extra money I make could certainly help pay off my parents debts/morgage. At this moment my debts are becoming meaningless.

I really hate all this personal emo crap. Iapos;m trying to see positive alternatives to these but so much is riding on my mind... For the love of god I wish Clay would leave the family or fucking change his selfish ways. I hate it how he treats my mom like dirt and acts like heapos;s getting away with cheating. Just because you work at home doesnapos;t mean YOU CANapos;T DO SHIT. He canapos;t even fucking get his own cigarettes from the store Heapos;s always get someone to do it for him EXCUSES EXCUSES Stop being a selfish fucking blind pig ACKNOWLAGE YOUR FUCKING FAMILY

...I miss my old dad. I wish he went back to the way he use to be... He is now nothing but a vortex of negativity. Iapos;m trying my hardest not to cry about it... I need to learn to be strong so when the final shit storm arrives Iapos;ll be prepared.
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Something has gone wonky with my neighborapos;s security light, which is perched near the highest point of his two-story house and shines much wattage directly into my bedroom. The light was previously controlled by a motion sensor, only worked at night, and stayed on for about five minutes when triggered. A few weeks ago, however, something went wonky and now it comes on at random times of the day and night and stays on for hours.

My neighbor has been very apologetic and has made repeated attempts to fix it, disconnect it, and/or beat it into submission, with mixed results. I witnessed his most recent attempt, in which he perched at the top of a 16-foot ladder with a screwdriver duct-taped to a broom handle, trying to adjust the sensor. The light turned off, but turned itself on again around midnight and stayed on through the night.

And since the evil, twin-headed beast of a mega-bright light fixture is only a drivewayapos;s width from my window, my miniblinds cowered and whimpered their defeat. Needless to say, I havenapos;t been sleeping well.

So yesterday I ventured into that Temple of Domestic Consumerism -- the Bed Bath Beyond store --�in search of something (anything) I could hang on my window to block that damned light so I could get some sleep. As luck would have it, I found a supply of not-ugly blackout/thermal drapery panels marked down to $15 (half price). I bought six panels in dark royal blue to cover the three large windows in my bedroom. The room is now, indeed, dark dark dark. It should also stay warmer this winter.

I might go back and get four more panels to hang in my studio/office. I noticed it was getting a bit chilly in there last night.
�

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